The MIL Syndrome

So we’ve all heard about those overbearing mothers-in-law who make it hell for the new daughter-in-law to integrate into the family and we’ve all sworn (and I’m sure they did too) that we would never be that way! However, after having a son, even though he’s just five, suddenly I am beginning to empathise with those mothers of boys who want to hold on as long as they can. Boys are a completely different equation for us mothers who are loaded with all the female hormones which advocate heart-to-heart sharing, constant declarations of love both physical and emotional and of course the possessiveness which comes hand-in-hand with oestrogen.

I felt it for my father, I felt it for my brother and at one point I actually felt it for Man of My Dreams as well! But the way I feel it for the heir to my throne (the throne which is currently unmentionable) beats everything else. Apart from the fact that every time I look at him, there is a chain reaction which leads to the release of Oxytocin – the hormone which gets you feeling physically gooey inside and out.

What scares me is that he is already such a ‘boy’. He is already too cool to kiss mom in front of his friends, he already gives that silly smile when talking about a particular girl in class (one he was adamant I should not meet). He even told me the other day that I shouldn’t accompany him to a birthday party as I did not know the friend’s mom to which I firmly replied that without me, he was not going either. Now, I’ve always thought about myself as a cool mom, one who all the other kids would hang with and say ‘I wish I had a mom like you’. Unfortunately for me, my son and I don’t seem to be on the same wavelength (I cannot believe I am already saying this when he is just five! (Copious tears are being wept as I write this).

So why is it that he doesn’t want me around, or to share things with me? Is it because I embarrass him? Or is it because he has already detached so much from me that he doesn’t want to share things with me? Frankly, both of these questions being answered in the affirmative would be just as hard for me to hear. And then will come the situation when SHE enters. SHE being the woman I will be dreading my whole life. The woman who will really and truly steal my son from me. The woman he will announce as his future life partner. Shudder!!!!! It’s not that I don’t know it’s going to happen and of course I want him to grow to have a life and a family of his own. But that means letting go of my baby!!! That means I won’t be his sunrise and moonrise anymore…and that seriously scares me.

So here’s my proposal to my mother in law – ‘If I give you back Man of My Dreams, then could I possibly keep my son?’ After all, isn’t that the law of good karma?


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